Monday, August 3, 2009

Getting it done

Sometimes I just hate my life. I mean, it's all about perspective, but when you lose that, it's easy to feel sorry for yourself.

Truth is that skinny people - people who have never been fat - don't really have any idea what it's like to struggle with weight. They might protest and say they have to work at it, but until you're carrying an extra person (a large extra person, at that) everywhere you go, I won't sympathize.

Yeah, I did this to myself. Yeah, I've been lazy. But still!

Last week I was dealing with some intense back and neck pain. It got so bad that there was a full day that I could barely move without crying. I tried making out with my husband and ended up running down the hall holding my neck sobbing because it hurt so bad. Turns out that biking doesn't really help that pain. I think I compensate for the neck pain by holding it in to my back, which was already sore.

A dear friend of mine offered to give me a massage. She's a professional, and that hour and a half I spent on her table was heavenly. I woke up the next morning with a little pain still, but during the day it actually got better. Two more days later, and I only have a little pain left.

But I went biking again anyway. I'm a bit sore across the top of my back. Nothing like last week, but not comfortable. At least I'm done with my exercise today.

I can't wait for my metabolism to be retrained. I can't wait to try out all the recipes on (if I were rich and thin I'd totally be a foodie). I can't wait to sleep through the nice without dreading the morning pain. I can't wait to run and not be weary...


  1. I hate to say anything that might be at all discouraging, especially after your hard week, but I've got to say it anyway.

    You will never be able to eat whatever you want. You will always have to be careful and eat in moderation. You will always need to exercise.

    Your metabolism can change, especially when you build muscle. It may stay at a higher rate than it ever has been. But the bottom line is that your body will want to be overweight, your metabolism will want to hold on to its stores for dear life. If it didn't, you and I wouldn't be in the boat we're in. We'd be skinny.

    Perhaps I'm reading your intent the wrong way (it's the internet, it happens all the time), but it seems like you may believe that once you get the weight off and retrain your metabolism that you are free to eat like a "normal" person. It's simply not the case, and anyone who is telling you differently is likely charging you large sums of money.

    Retraining your metabolism will help you keep the weight off certainly, but you will still need to watch what you eat, eat in moderation and exercise at least 20 minutes a day 5 days a week to maintain. Forever. And that's not just my opinion--that's what years and years of research by doctors and dietitians who specialize in obesity have found again and again.

    I fear you may buy into some paid trainer's theory because it sounds GREAT (it does sound great!), only to eventually gain back all that you've worked so hard to lose.

    O.K., I feel like a big jerk for having written all that. If I wasn't battling the same demons you are I wouldn't say it.

    On the positive side, getting up and exercising even when you had a valid excuse not to shows just how much you want this and just how hard you're willing to work. You're awesome!!!

    And feel free to completely ignore everything I wrote but that last bit. Most people do. :)


  2. Heather, I hope you are feeling better. There's nothing worse than an aching back. And as hard as it is, you will feel so much better, long-term, with what you are putting yourself through now. Good job!

  3. Brandi - I totally understand. Part of the process is learning how to eat in moderation and learning how to read my body's signals. When my body has figured out that I'm not going to starve and binge, and that I'm going to use the fuel I feed it, then eating a cookie or a special meal won't be a problem - as long as it's in moderation.

    For now, I need to stay away from those kinds of things because I don't have the willpower to only eat one, and I don't always have the willpower to get off my butt and exercise. So part of the retraining is just teaching myself some willpower.

    And part of it is figuring out how to face my demons without food as a crutch. I will always love good food, but I don't have to lust after it and dream about it and make it my reason for being. I can savor a small bite and call it good, right?

    Marti - I'm feeling tons better. Thanks. :)

  4. Of course you can savor a bite of something. Even two. Maybe even three. :)