I know it may seem odd to think about God on a fat blog, but to tell the truth it's new to me too. I'll come back to it though.
Being fat is something I've always thought about myself. It wasn't always true, but I always thought it. At least, as long as I had conscious thoughts about myself. Tonight my 3 1/2 year old said something about being "too fat" and I was horrified. I make a very conscious effort not to inflict my own children with that kind of thinking. Especially since my kids are still in their perfect state. I'm quite sure that he has no idea what "fat" even means, but I don't want that kind of talk around him. And I don't know where he got it. I'll have to keep my ears open more vigilantly.
For a long time I fantasized about gastric bypass. Then my nurse sister suggested lap-band and I fantasized about that. See, I have to work at losing weight. It's always been a struggle, and I HATE the struggle. I HATE exercising for the sake of exercising. And I LOVE food. I'm talking about the really fattening kind, of course.
After thinking about major surgery, I found out that the stomach can actually stretch out and you can get fat again. For it to stick you have to change your life. But if I could change my life, I wouldn't need the stupid surgery, would I? So it seemed to me that I should live as if my stomach had been shrunk. Eat a lot less but a lot more often.
Sadly, I have no will power without extreme persuasive circumstance, so I never even did it for a day. I tell myself that I just love food too much. And inactivity.
In the past 10 months I've gained a lot. I mean, I was pregnant, but now that it's been a month and a half, I've got an 8 pound baby and about 35 pounds that weren't there when I started. Totally sucks.
So now what?
Well, I'm LDS. I know that's not news to anyone who knows me, and I'm sure all of you are wondering what this has to do with losing weight.
Since I have no desire to start a giant debate over something unrelated, I'm going to be a little bit vague.
In general conference last weekend one of our general authorities spoke about temptation and said that God would not leave us powerless. He will NEVER leave us without power to overcome.
Food is my kryptonite. I love it in most forms. I adore the play of spices on my tongue and revel in textures. Having it be my downfall doesn't mean I never want to eat again, but I certainly don't want it to overtake my life. I don't want my life to be about food. And I really really REALLY don't want my life to be about being fat. Well, unless I can get thin and then make loads of money from it somehow. :)
I don't want to give up food. I don't want to give up good food. But I don't want it to rule me.
Thing is, it doesn't have to. My husband was telling me about this talk from general conference and how God will always give us the power to overcome our temptations.
So, how does this relate to food? I'm not quite sure. I told my sister I wanted to breastfeed the new baby for 6 months and then go on a serious program and lose 100 pounds. I'd love to lose more like 150 or even 180. I can't even imagine myself that skinny, but to get below 200 pounds... or wear a size 12 again... heck, I'd be pleased to get into a size 18!
Thinking about this power that God has promised me... I'm sure He didn't have fat specifically in mind, but I don't think it's inappropriate to connect the two. See, my body is a gift from God and I'm pretty sure He wants me to take care of it. I think if I put my trust in Him, He'll have my back. I really do.
My sister suggested putting the kids in the bike trailer and biking to her house and back every day. Not a terrible thought, but she does live like 8 miles away with some pretty serious hills in between. Do I dare? Maybe not with the baby, but I'll bet the toddlers would love it. At least till it gets too cold, right?
So the question then becomes, how do I get massive amounts of exercise in now? When I'm so exhausted that my legs twitch almost constantly even while I'm awake? When I have heartburn and there are all sorts of ooky fall and winter sicknesses going around? And how do I lose the weight and keep my milk?
I'm pretty sure that God will help me find a way, but I'm also pretty sure that He would approve of me seeking advice.
The floor is now (back) open. Please chime in. I've missed your support.